Darth Luigi!
by Zeldafan422
Summary: A story that should reach out to all Luigi fans as he journeys to the Dark Side and makes his own cookies. Alternate ending! [Mild Violence]
1. Chapter One: Don't Say I Didn't Warn You

_I own nothing. Except for Darth Luigi's Homestyle Cookies, but that is for another chapter. Enjoy!_

**WARNING**  
_This story is crazy and it may change your life, your IQ, and your big toe._

**Chapter One: Don't Say I Didn't Warn You**

It was a dark and stormy night. With lots of rain and lightning. And loud thunder. It boomed andflashed. Many small children hidunder the covers.But that doesn't have anything to do with the story.

"Luigi! Luigi!" Mario shouted. "HELP! There's an emergency!" Mario was frantically running around and waving his arms.

"What is it?" Luigi asked.

"Come quickly! Innocent lives are at stake!" Mario shouted.

"I'm coming!" yelled Luigi, as he sprung into action.He ran into the kitchen after Mario. "Well what's the emergencey?" he asked.

"Can't reach soda," Mario stated simply. "Oh, and while your'e at it, help me with my new game. It's called Grand Theft Auto: Mario Edition."

Luigi was very angry. Mario had always acted like this and always had some big video game that had nothing to do with him. Mario would just hog the spotlight like he had for the last 20 years. It was always Luigi the sidekick and/or maid. He was fed up. He wanted to do something. He wanted to get away from Mario and his dumb games. Then it hit him. Like one of Mario's sweat socks. Which were really, really sweaty and yellow. (Sorry for the disgusting visual)

"I'M LEAVING!" he yelled and stomped out the door.

"But what about my soda?" Mario yelled.

Luigi entered a hotel. He sat down at a table and heard a mother and her child having a conversation.

"Mommy, when I grow up, I want to be the vice president," the kid said.

"No Billy, sidekicks end up like losers, like that weird plumber over there," the mom replied.

Luigi was fed up with all the 'sidekick' commments. He started crying like Mario when the ice cream was all gone. He was just so angry at Mario for turing him into a sidekick, when he heard a voice.

"Hey. Dude."

Luigi looked over and realized the hooded figure was speaking to him. He wiped his tears away and replied, "Yeah?"

"Your bro. Mario. He bad. Bad like the man. You want revenge dude?" the hooded figure asked.

"Yeah one time he took my donut and-"

"Look, dude. I don't want your life story. I'm just here to give you this." The hooded figure handed him a helmet and an E GADD Shinesaber.  
"What do I do with this?" Luigi asked.

"Go get Mario. Payback time. Fight the power," he replied. Luigi put on the helmet and turned on the Shinesaber.

"I AM...DARTH LUIGI!"

**End Chapter One**

_Weird, no? Well I hoped you liked it. R&R!_


	2. Chapter Two: Superstar Battle

_I owneth nothing._

**Chapter Two: Mario _VS._ Luigi: Superstar Battle**

Luigi kicked open the doors of Peach's castle. "Come out and fight me Mario!" he yelled.

Mario dropped his cheeseburger and looked away from the TV.

"Holy jeez!" he yelled. "It's Darth Maul!" Princess Peach and Yoshi rolled their eyes at Mario's stupidity.

"No!" Luigi yelled. "I am Darth Luigi!" Luigi looked pretty dumb with one of those Darth Vader voice changing helmets you see at Toys R Us. Mario had been just standing there for a couple minutes.

He finally cried out, "Oh my gosh! You guys! Waluigi has gone...to the dark side!"

Luigi was done playing around. "Prepare to die foolish one!" he screamed as he charged Mario with his Shinesaber. Mario may have not been going easy on the pie, but he was still pretty athletic. He pulled out his Shinesaber and easily blocked Luigi's attack. Luigi had never used a Shinesaber before, but Mario was very experienced. He began driving Luigi back with intense attacks. He faked a blow to Luigi's head and started laughing at him.

"You can't beat me Waluigi," he said while laughing. "The good guys always win." Luigi realized the only way he could overpower and beat Mario was to use his anger against him. This was something he had been doing over the years.

"Hey Moronio, come and get me!" he yelled as he began to dance around comically. Mario got really angry. He lunged at Luigi but he dodged swiftly out of the way. Nothin' but wall. While Mario was trying to pull his Shinesaber out of the wall, Darth Luigi kicked him to the ground. Luigi pointed his Shinesaber at Mario.  
Mario was thinking for a desperate way out. He tried to remember what his Jedi Master had once told him...

_"Jedi Master Bowser Jr," he said. "When will I learn the secrets of being an ultimate Jedi Knight?"_

_"You must learn to use the force to force people and things to do your bidding," Bowser Jr. replied. "Only then will you fulfill your destiny, AS MY PAWN IN RULING THE KNOWN UNIVERSE!"  
_

_"Scuse me?"  
_

_"Nothing!"_

Mario's flashback had cleared his thinking. He forced his Shinesaber to come to him. He grabbed it and rolled away from Luigi. He jumped up to his feet.

Darth Luigi replied to Mario's swift actions,"Your'e clever Mario." Yeah. Right. "I'll give you that. But there's one thing you don't seem to understand. I am not Waluigi. You will never know my true identity."

Mario was sick of all the taunts. He screamed, "WHO ARE YOU?" He swung his Shinesaber in frustration and knocked off Darth Luigi's helmet.

Luigi covered his face with his hands. "Another day, Mario," he said as he sprinted out of the castle at top speeds.

A normal person probably would have tried to chase or find him. But Mario said, "Like I always say, when in doubt, BREAK OUT THE DONUTS!"

**End Chapter Two**


	3. Chapter Three: The League of Bad Guys

_Me no own anything._

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTICE**

_To hardcore fans of Mario: Don't get me wrong, I like Mario, this is just my way of portraying him. Please do not send me angry messages, or criticize my story, unless it is constructive._

* * *

**ANOTHER ANNOYING AUTHOR'S NOTICE**

_Please do not steal Mario's donuts. ZELDAFAN422 does not take responsibility for harm done by Mario if you take his donuts._

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**Chapter Three: The League Of Bad Guys  
**  
"But eh, how did Darth Maul breath when I knocked his mask off?" Mario had asked Princess Peach. 

He had been bombarding Princess Peach with annoying and insane questions ever since he finished his donuts, which didn't take him too long.

"Okay,Mario," Princess Peach said very calmly."I'LL SAY THIS FOR THE FINAL TIME!" Uh never mind. "IT WASN'T DARTH MAUL WHO YOU WERE FIGHTING, IT WAS DARTH VADER WHO STOPPED BREATHING WHEN HIS HELMET CAME OFF, AND NO, YOU DO NOT LOOK LIKE A PRETTY PONY! There. I answered all your stupid questions."

Mario looked very upset. Tears formed in his eyes and began to run down his face.

"Oh my gosh! Mario-I didn't mean..."Princess Peach was upset.

"No," Mario fought back tears. "I-it wasn't y-you...I-I just r-realized...WE'RE OUT OF DONUTS!" He began to sob and wail uncontrollably. Princess Peach rolled her eyes and left the room.

Luigi had fled to a back alley. "I hate you Mario," he had said about a million times over. He began bouncing revenge ideas off the wall. He was about to go with the idea of dropping an anvil on Mario's head until..."I got it!" he suddenly yelled. "I will organize a League of Super Evil Bad People Who Do Naughty Stuff To Good-Guy-Gone-Villian's Brother.(LSEBPWDNSTGGGVB) It's foolproof!"

Luigi stayed up all night sewing together villian costumes in his hotel room while Mario was probably snoring on the couch with the TV still on.

"I never thought my sewing skills would come of use, but now I will use them to make villian outfits, and then gather together all of Mario's enemies, and invade the castle!"

The next day Luigi got up early and made tons of phone calls, went door to door recruiting villians, and also sent a couple of e-mails and faxes.

"Haha," Luigi laughed to himself. "Now that the recruiting is done, I can put together a plan to destroy, and/or capture Mario! Now to invite the guys over for tea and cookies!"

After the last bad guy had gotten there, Luigi said," Good, good, good, good, good. Now we can begin to talk over the plans. Early tomorrow, we will sneak over to Peach's castle and use a battering ram to bust open the castle doors. Then all of you will take care of whatever army they put together, and I, will go after my brother. Are there any objections?"

One of the villians called out, "What's in this whole thing for us? I mean, whadda we get?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh.." Luigi stammered. He hadn't thought about that. "Uh, you can each have one bag of these." He held up a bag which read "Darth Luigi's Homestyle Chocolate Chip Cookies." It featured a picture of the plumber wearing his Darth Vader helmet, and an apron which said 'Kiss the Cook' on it.

"Yeah!" came another voice. "We want some a' those!"

The bad guys began cheering. "COOKIES! COOKIES! COOKIES! COOKIES"

Luigi chuckled to himself, "Tomorrow we will get my brother Mario, and we will take all of his donuts!"

**End Chapter Three**


	4. Chapter Four: The Idiotic Invasion

_Still don't own anything. Surprise, surprise._

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**Chapter Four: The Idiotic Invasion  
**  
Mario woke up very early the next morning because he heard a loud noise that was coming from outside the castle.

"YOSHI!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "DO ONE MORE GROUND POUND, AND I'LL STUFF YOUR TAIL DOWN YOUR SCALY THROAT!"

Mario climbed out of bed. He put on his bathrobe and headed groggily to the kitchen. He turned on the coffee maker and grabbed thirteen waffles. He warmed them up in the microwave, and, as usual,the microwave exploded (because there were so many waffles in it). That's why he didn't hear the castle doors break down.

He grabbed his coffee and his towering stack of waffles and headed downstairs to watch some TV. He dropped his plate of waffles in shock after seeing Darth Luigi and his gang.

"Mario!" Luigi yelled. "We've come for you and your donuts!"

"Your'e too late," Mario replied, "Ate the last one yesterday! Who are all of these weird guys?"

All of the bad guys yelled out their names at Mario.  
"Bowser the Hutt!"  
"Emperor Wario!"  
"Donkey Kong the Wookiee!"  
"Count Waluigi!"  
"Bowser Jr. Skywalker!"

It would be the upset of the century if Mario actually defeated all these guys. A fat guy in his bathrobe against a fully fledged league of villains. But nevertheless, Mario pulled out his shinesaber and prepared to do battle. Gotta love this guy. In a totally normal and not strange way.

Bowser the Hutt hurled his son at the plumber. But Mario caught Bowser Jr. in the air with his foot and he fell to the ground.

"M-mario," Bowser Jr. Skywalker gasped. "H-how could y-you attack your o-own...Jedi Master!" The fire in Mario's eyes died down.

"Jedi Master Bowser Jr," Mario said. "I'm sorr-"

"SUCKER!" Bowser Jr. Skywalker screamed as he jumped up and tackled the chubby plumber to the ground.

Meanwhile, Yoshi and Princess Peach had organized a gigantic Toad army.

"Yoshi! Yoshi!" he shouted, which meant, 'Show no mercy'!

"Defend the castle!" the Toads yelled and they charged at the League of Bad Guys. A huge mob of them overran Emperor Wario and he fell to the ground.

Mario picked up Bowser Jr. and threw him far away. He jumped to his feet quickly enough to see Darth Luigi charging at him. Luigi had been training with his Mario robot, and had gotten a lot better with his Shinesaber. He was driving Mario back with his attacks and became a little too confident.

"You can't fight, you eat too much, AND YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" Luigi screamed. He began to laugh at Mario. He became too careless and Mario rammed him with his elbow. Darth Luigi hit the ground so hard his helmet fell off.

Mario gasped. "DAISY HOW COULD YOU!" Luigi's life might have been in danger but he still had time to roll his eyes at Mario's idiocy.

"No, you fool," Luigi said. "It's-a-me, Luigi!"

Mario was shocked."Luigi...why?"

"Because," Luigi said angrily. "Your'e always pushing me around and stealing the spotlight from me. I save your butt in "Luigi's Mansion" and you still do it. YOU COULD AT LEAST BE A LITTLE GRATEFUL!" At that moment, he lost it. He hopped to his feet and punched Mario to the ground.

The League of Bad Guys were winning the fight. Bowser the Hutt had Yoshi in a cage and Count Waluigi had Mario and Princess Peach tied up. They both ended up in the same cage with Yoshi.

"Guys!Guys!" Mario yelled. "The guy in the helmet is Luigi!"

"Oh, is he really?" Peach asked sarcastically.

By now Luigi had his helmet back on. The Toads were slaves and Mario, Peach, and Yoshi were captured.

"This castle, (and Mario's donuts) now belong to me!" Darth Luigi laughed.

**End Chapter Four**


	5. Chapter Five: Escape

_I STILL don't own anything. Boy, you didn't see that one coming._

**Florachild: **_Thanks for the review. Perhaps MARio WARS (my other story) would interest you. Same to you, KK, and KK.  
_**Kirbykirby: **_Thanks for the review. I hope you and everyone else are satisfied with this next chapter._

**Koopa Kid: **_No one steals Mario's donuts. Wanna see why?_

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**Chapter Five: Escape**

And now for an extra special prologue dedicated to Koopa Kid. (Read his review for more details)

**Chapter Five Prologue **_(isn't necessary to the story, but worth a read)_

"Hey bud!" one of the guards said to the other guard. "Open the cage! We got a new prisoner."

"Alright," the guard said. "Throw him in the cell."

The guard picked up Koopa Kid and tossed him in face first. He spotted Mario's donuts and crept over. They were Krispy Kreme with chocolate and sprinkles, his favorite. He grabbed the remaining donuts and stuffed them into his mouth.

Later, Mario was getting tired and hungry. He thought he might go for a donut or two, or twelve.

He reached over to the box and opened it. To his shock, there were no donuts left.

"WHO TOOK MY FREAKIN DONUTS!" he screamed and began to sniff everyone in the cell. He ran up to Koopa Kid and sniffed him. He had found the culprit.

"NO! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" Koopa Kid screamed. He began to run from Mario around in the cell.

"MARIO SMASH!" he screamed and pulled out a crowbar. He cornered Koopa Kid in the corner and began to beat him with it.

"OWWW! AUGHHHH! HAVE MERCY! HAVE MERCY!"

Koopa Kid awoke from his bed with a fright. He sighed in relief, it had all been a dream. He knew one thing for sure: no one should ever steal donuts from Mario. Unless they're willing to take the pain so theycan have a prologue written about them.

* * *

"Yoshi. Yoshi. Yoshi. YOSHI! YOSHI! YOSHI!" the green dinousaur said which meant "We are all doomed. DOOMED I TELL YOU! DOOMED! DOOMED!"

Princess Peach also looked very grim, but said, "Calm down Yoshi. This one Toad who passed by our cell agreed to spy on Luigi for me and get us rescued. He should be back pretty soon."

Mario, on the other hand, was doing worse than all of 'em. He was in a dark corner of the cell, hugging his knees, and slowing rocking back and forth.

"Oh, Mario," Peach said. "I wish you'd snap out of it!" But even the princess couldn't help Mario now. He had entered a huge emotional disruption.

They all looked out of the cage to see a Toad scrambling down the stairs, carrying something. A voice cried out from upstairs, "THE KEY! IT'S GONE!"

Heh, can you possibly guess what the Toad is carrying?

"Peach!Peach!" yelled the Toad. "I have the key! Hang on-AUGH!" Donkey Kong the Wookiee grabbed the Toad and threw him in the cell. He slammed the door and crushed the key with his fist.

Darth Luigi slowly came down the stairs, and calmly said, "There Mario. Your little charade is over. All hope is gone." While he was heading upstairs, he added,"Donkey Kong will be here to keep an eye on you. Just don't make him angry." He laughed and was gone.

"Peach! We gotta escape!" the Toad yelled.

"Oh my gosh! You're right!" the Princess yelled. She wasn't too much smarter than Mario. "Mario! You're the only one who can get us out of here!" Mario continued to rock back and forth, like he had been for the past six hours. Peach wasn't about to be denied though. She pulled a glass box out of her dress which read 'SMASH IN CASE OF EMERGENECEY.' She broke open the box and pulled out a donut. She threw it on the ground near Mario. The plumber dived at it with inhuman speed. He just ate it on the ground as fast as he good. Seriously, he even started licking the ground after.

Like Popeye when he eats spinach, Mario busted open the bars and tackled DK to the ground. He starting sending lightning fast punches and knocked the Wookiee out.

"Let's go!" he shouted. Wow. A donut. Just a donut. Talk about motivation.

The trio scrambled up the stairs to Peach's room. Yoshi broke down the door and tackled Darth Luigi. He pinned him to the ground.

"What Mario?" he said. "You gonna kill me? Guess I deserve it."

"Actually," Mario said. "I just wanted to say, I'm sorry. Once this whole thing is over, I want to help you make some of your own video games." Now is the part where you wouldbe going "Awwww..." and everything would be hunky-dory. But not in this story.

_MORAL OF THE STORY_

_I should probably say the moral of the story is, to get out of a bad situation, all you have to say is "I'm sorry." But I say, the moral of the story is: Toss a fat guy a donut and he can do anything. Go figure. o.O_

"I forgive you," Luigi said, "Now let's get the heck out of here!"

They scrambled down the stairs and were about to go for the door, when they were blocked by Bowser the Hutt.

"Goin' somewhere?"

**End Chapter Five**

_Just because there is a moral, doesn't mean the story is over. Chapter Six is coming, and then there will be an epilogue. R&R!_


	6. Chapter Six: The Final Battle

_As shocking andsurprising as it may seem, I do not own any Mario characters, or anything else Mario._

_Oh, and by the way, the Epilogue will be coming tomorrow. Hang tight. Thanks!_

_R&R!_

* * *

_Author's Note:  
Here is the last chapter of my fanfic. Thanks to everyone who read this fanfic (which isn't too many people..oh well..) , I tried to make it funny and enjoyable!  
And so, we go._ _

* * *

_**Chapter Six: The Final Battle**

"Uh, well," Mario stammered. "Actually yes! We were just about to-"

Bowser the Hutt breathed fire all over him. Mario was burnt all over and fell to the ground.

"How do you like you Mario's Luigi?" Bowser laughed. "I like mine medium rare! HAHAHAHA!" Oh, ho ho ho. Good one, Bowser. Luigi became angry and charged at Bowser.

"ATTACK!" Bowser yelled, and the League of Bad Guys jumped out from the shadows. Peach and Yoshi unchained the Toads and prepared them for the fight.

The final battle had begun.

Luigi was fighting his best against Bowser the Hutt, but Bowser was stronger and more experienced and began to drive Luigi back. Luigi was about to give up but changed his mind and fought on.

Donkey Kong the Wookiee was going crazy all over the Toads. They were flying left and right as DK's rage was everywhere. Things began to look pretty grim, until Yoshi put Donkey Kong into an egg. Quickly he grabbed the egg and scrambled up the stairs into Peach's room. He saw three stained glass windows, and hurled the egg and one of them. But the egg didn't break through the window. It just went right through it, for Yoshi had thrown DK into Peach's secret slide. (Super Mario 64)

The Toad that had stolen the key, who had attemped to rescue Mario, Peach, and Yoshi earlier, was sneaking up on Bowser Jr. Skywalker. Toad ran up and punched him in the back of the head, and Bowser's on fell to the ground. The Toad began to sob.

Peach ran up to him and asked, "Toad, what's wrong?"

"I-I, I've n-never killed a-anyone before," he said while crying. "I'M SORRY BOWSER JR! I DIDN'T MEAN TO!"

Peach rolled her eyes at the pathetic Toad and said, "No, you didn't kill him Toad. You only knocked him out. Wario and Waluigi are out of buisness, the only battle left is Bowser the Hutt and Luigi. Let's go!" The Toad and the Princess ran off to see the last battle.

Bowser had breathed fire on his Shinesaber and it became a Firesaber. He began swinging madly at Luigi, and Luigi was barely dodging out of the way.

"You can't keep this up," Bowser chuckled. "Your'e going to get burnt, like Mario. HAHAHAHAHAHA I KILL ME!" Luigi became majorly ticked off and went nuts on Bowser, swinging like a crazy person.

A little while later, Bowser yelled, "STOP! We are too evenly matched. We must settle this with...a rapoff!"

Everyone headed outside the castle to see a big platform where the rapoff would be held.

_RAPOFF RULES  
The two contestants will take turns rapping insults at each other until one of them goes home crying like a baby. The other guy is the winner._

A Toad yelled, "Let the rapoff begin!"

Luigi: _Luigi is my name  
I like video games  
But this poor old sap's  
tryin' to get me to rap!_

Bowser: _Yo, I am a pimp  
but this guy is a wimp  
This stupid little plumber  
couldn't be any dumber!_

Luigi: _Super Mario Sunshine  
That game was doing really fine.  
Til at the end with this bub_ (points at Bowser)  
_When we saw him in his bathtub!_

Bowser began sobbing and said, "OH LUIGI, WHY YA GOTTA BE LIKE THAT? WAHHH!" He ran off crying like a baby.

Luigi, Peach, and Yoshi hurried inside to see Mario. Luigi bent down to Mario and felt for a pulse. "Guys," he said sadly. "He's dead."

Peach and Yoshi looked down in sadness, sofly crying.

"Just kidding!" Luigi said. Peach slapped Luigi in the face.

"Luigi," Mario said weakly. "Now can you get me a soda?"

**THE END!** (except for the epilogue)


	7. Epilogue

_For the last time, I do not own anything. _

* * *

**EPILOGUE**

Luigi, (with help from Mario!) released several new games, including _Grand Theft Auto: Luigi Edition_, _Luigi Bowling_, and _Paper Luigi_.

Mario released, _Mario Party 8_, _Super Mario Galaxy_, and _Super Paper Mario._

Oh and Bowser released a stupid game called _Super Bowser_, where you faced opponents in rapoffs, but that's another story. I'll write it..maybe.

And they all lived happily ever after, except Donkey Kong, who was stuck in the secret slide forever.

**THE END**

_

* * *

_

_Author's Note: The last chapter my decision was for a rap-off, or a dance-off. A dance-off may bea possibility for an alternate ending. If someone wants me to, I will gladly do it._

_Thanks for reading,_

_Zeldafan422_


	8. Alternate Ending

_I don't own Mario or anything Mario related, or Dance Dance Revolution._

_As requested, here is the alternate ending. Thanks to everyone who read. The alternate ending starts right at the part in Chapter Six when Bowser says "STOP!"_

_Without further ado, here is the last installment of Darth Luigi!_

_Enjoy!_

_Zeldafan422_

**

* * *

****Chapter Zero: The Alternate Ending**

Bowser yelled, "STOP! We are too evenly matched. We must settle this with...a dance-off!"

Everybody began cheering as they both ran outside to prepare for the dance-off.

A bunch of Toads began rolling out Dance Dance Revolution mats, and hooked up the television to a solar powered generator. Someone grabbed a Gamecube and put in Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix.

"Loser picks song," Bowser sneered.

Luigi frowned and said, "Always Smiling, thats-a my JAM."

"Ummm..that's a little creepy," Bowser said. "BUT I'M STILL GONNA WHOOP YOU!"

The music came on and they each began dancing.

Luigi got the feel of the beat and began to go '70's.

Bowser sorta got the feel, but not really. He started headbanging and lost a ton of stars..and stuff. Next, to try a comeback, he began doing the moonwalk, which earned him several boo's from the crowd.

Luigi started doing the worm, which, overall, was a hit.

Bowser lost the rhythm, and did something really stupid. He started doing the macarena. No kidding. The evil dinosaur guy did the macarena. The crowd hissed in distaste.

It was over, Luigi had won hands down.

"You foolish morons!" Bowser yelled. "You can eat your stupid cookies, but my dance moves are so impressive, that your cookies are worth nothing!" He ran away screaming stuff like 'I'm so cool!' and 'I'll be back!' Yeah right.

"Get up, Mario," Luigi said.

"Only if you get me a soda," Mario said.

"No," Luigi replied.

"Okay," said Mario. And he laid there for three days. Then he came in and drank water immediately and barely survived.

And of course, Donkey Kong's yells for help could still be heard.

**THE (ALTERNATE) END**


End file.
